The Friday Informer: What He Wants, He Gets

So, the maestro wants no vampires in his opera. I wonder if he feels any friendlier towards hip-hop. Elsewhere, the baton-wielder who scorned New York has been canoodling with Chicago, and now they’re going to make it legal! Rumor has it that the weather was better for his hair.

It’s a good thing all the composers are dead, because we’ve completely ruined music. This is serious! It’s so bad, the dead ones are not only spinning in but coming back from the grave to straighten things out. But they’ve just started listening to Mozart in public mixed-sex concerts in Saudi Arabia, so maybe we can get this train back on the track before they catch up.

I may have the brain of a woman (almost, anyway), but even I can tell the difference between a major and a minor phrase (without having to refer to it as the “happy tune,” thank you very much. Ahem.). I’m also with it enough to suspect that equating Grand Theft Auto with The Rite of Spring is a lapse in several things, including taste and logic, but time will tell. Stravinsky certainly never saw these kinds of returns.

Tagging Bocelli as the “blind singer for deaf people” seems a bit harsh, but we do need some things around here this week. Roger wants shorter concerts, Iron Composer needs a secret ingredient, violinists need to keep both eyes on their priceless Strads, and opera needs more souvenir t-shirts.

For those who have read this far and still need a way to procrastinate till the closing bell, Tan Dun will tell you a ghost story.