There are dangerous addictions lurking in the world of classical music, and I’m not talking about that business with Liszt and the crystal meth. No, I’m talking about assassins armed with weed killer, shady donor activities, royalty-hungry composer-heirs, and thieves lurking in Wal-Mart parking lots. And that’s not even getting into the thing with the grandma and the reindeer—but hey, who hates xmas music?
Yes, new music is dangerous. No wonder the Pope is protecting his flock and banning it altogether. So sing a song a week, if you must, but make it happy for goodness sake. Maybe somewhat nutritious, as well. Probably best to keep away from the political stuff, though it is tempting. Avoid those little video game ditties—they just get stuck in there. Tenney won the “irritating smackdown” last year; game on!
But the post-holiday music news isn’t all bad: some of it is actually pretty exciting, even while some of it is truly embarrassing. In the 21st century, sometimes we get a little mixed up with our definitions, but sometimes we also end up on pay-per-view. And when given the chance, we market the hell out of it.
Our favorite “utopian, tree-hugging, Left Coast flower child” has tamed even ACD’s trademark (and, we suspect, “trademarked”) fury. I bet she’d urge us all to just have some fun already—try your hand at T-shirt design, a mad lib, invent a vanity license plate. (N.B. A prize is on offer for the best new music suggestion.) Why not make Rice Krispy Treats out of music theory? Seriously.
I’m going to have to find some new fun, at least, ’cause it looks like your Friday Informer might soon be obsolete.